Thursday, April 27, 2017

CONSTANT CHANGE

I'm wearing my high school uniform now as I'm writing this entry. I was looking at my photobooth pictures on my laptop and it's very nice to look back and realize how much things has changed. The oldest pictures on my laptop was 5 years ago and I was second year high school that time. I have pictures with my friends, classmates, with my mom, and a decent amount of selfies. I'm really glad that I go through my old pictures, it's an effective way to distract myself from all the things that's bugging me.

It amazes me and somewhat scares me that everything are really meant to change. I can't even believe that I look different now. I mean, of course my face is supposed to change but I guess we won't notice how much we have changed if we won't look back or unless we look at our old pictures. I don't know about you guys but seeing how much I have changed for the past 5 years scares me. I can't help but wonder how things will turn out 3,5,10 years from now. 5 year ago I never would I have imagine that I will be who I am today. I never expected things to turn out this way. All the things that I planned for myself before didn't happen. If I know that things will happen the way it did I should have prepared myself for it. Again, no regrets, but I wish I never took things for granted.

I'm twenty now and all I can say is life is an unpredictable journey that forces us to change and adapt on things that it would throw our way. We can't expect good days unless we haven't go through a bad one. We won't know what real happiness is unless we have experience what it feels to be broken. We wouldn't know what success feels like unless we push ourselves and experience failure. We will never know what life is if we are afraid to live. Because even if we wish to take a break from reality, we can't. Wether we like it or not, days will pass, so we need to keep up with time and live life to the fullest. We should be prepared for the constant changes and enjoy what we have now. Because everything will pass, and let's be honest, whether we're going through a rough time right now or if we're having the best time of our life, it would be always fun to have a great memory to look back.

Ok... everything that I have written are the things that I want to say to myself. lol. I never pushed myself to my limit. I'm still living inside my comfort zone, and I'm scared to take a risk. But I've come to realize that the only thing that I should be frightened of is the moment I look back years from now and realize that I never really enjoyed life because I was afraid to take a chance. So I would like to take baby steps to achieve my hidden desires in life. I wish soon I can share here on my blog how I took a leap, how I conquered my fears and fulfill my dreams with the help of our Almighty Father.

That's it for now.
With love,
Klaire

Monday, April 24, 2017

I LOVE YOU, MOM

It's exactly 5 hours since my mom left. She is going to New York for 5 months. I cannot imagine how hard it will be for us now that she's not here. My mom is the only one who talks in our house (since my family isn't close) and we're all close to her, so we will surely feel her absence. Although this isn't the first time that she's leaving us for this long, it still hurts to see her go. I cannot holdback my tears awhile ago, I can't even utter goodbye when I kissed her before she left because I will burst into tears. I literally run into my room after she left and just cry myself out. I even miss her when I'm just in school so the thought that I won't see her for 5 months makes me sad.

I thought I would do better this time around since this isn't the first time that she's leaving us. Last time I had a class the day before my mom's flight and I had no energy in school and I was feeling down. I wanted to cry but I needed to stop myself because it would be embarrassing. I was lucky enough that I had no class the day of her flight but I was the same as now when she left. I can't remember how I manage to survive those days. I was back-reading my private blog looking for my posts during those times and the only posts that I've published was about how much I missed my mom. Last time, I made a calendar to cross out the date until my mom's return. I seriously can't even believe how I survived those days. And now we're back at it again.

My mom is the next person I love the most after God. I'm willing to give up everything for her. The last few night were rough. It wasn't easy for me. Every night I cry thinking that she'll be leaving in a few days. If you will let me define what real sadness is, this is it. Last night I was lying on my bed and just staring at my room's ceiling, my tears keep running down my face and my heart seems like it is tearing apart. It left me speechless and all I was thinking in that particular moment was my mom and God and how hurt I was. I tried to understand the situation. I tried to get a grip and think that God let all of this happen. Every night the only thing that I'm asking God is let His will be done. If this is part of His plan then I won't even question it. I surrender everything to Him. I know that we can handle anything that life's throwing at us but sometimes I allow myself to be sad. To cry. To ask God to embrace me and strengthen my faith in Him especially during these time. In my grief I find comfort in Him and although I'm going through a rough road right now I know that God is the one who's leading my way - that alone should make me feel at ease.

The next few days won't be easy. I'm thankful that I have a 1 week break before another term starts. At least I have this week to condition myself for the next weeks to come and to be online 24/7 just in case my mom is online.


Saturday, April 1, 2017

mock up

 

The only thing I learned from my Interior Design 3 prof is the art of cramming. She never discussed anything related to the activities she gave and she gives new plates, scale model or/and mock up every week!! It's a lot of work for us because we also have other major subjects aside from her class. We tried explaining but she doesn't care at all. I hate cramming, I was never good at it but all thanks to her I can be considered pro at it now. LOL. Anyway, this was the mock up for Sunnies Studios that we crammed. HAHAHA! Can't imagine my college life without these two. We're so darn exhausted every week and now we're on to the last project for this term. We're doing another scale model for our finals. Let's go team!

Saturday, March 18, 2017

BUSY LIFE = BLESSED LIFE

"This is one of the busiest term ever. I cannot wait for this term to end" - me every term. LOL. But seriously, I only have 4 subjects but the loads of work that I'm carrying is too much. I barely have any free time and I'm already lucky if I get a 6-hour sleep at night. But of course, working out is still a priority, but other than that I don't have other "me" time. It is really true that in college, even if you want to cry because you cannot handle the stress anymore, you must hold back your tears because you don't have time for drama. The struggle is real. Sometimes when I'm on my way to school and I can't hold back my tears anymore, I just let it all out. I'm lowkey sobbing and I think few people have seen me cry in the subway but IDC. I just want to sleep.

Recently some of my highschool friends got their diploma already and some are just gradwaiting. Whenever I open my instagram account and see my friends having a trip to somewhere, I can't help but feel envious because they have so many time to do the things that they want, and here I am struggling to fit all the things I need to do in 24 hours.

Despite being busy and even if from time to time I just want to cry out loud, I must admit that I still enjoy my course. I have no regrets that I'm taking up Interior Design. I was hesitant before to take this course before because I know how time consuming it is, but with every plate and plans that I'm doing, I become more and more hungry to do better and excel in everything I do. I love Interior Design and I must say that I feel blessed that I get to study every aspects of it. I cannot wait to graduate, get a job and share my design with different clients. All of this for our Father above whose presence have never left me. :)

PS: I'll be sharing some of my plates and projects on my next post. see ya! x

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

time check: 2:45 am
what the hell i cannot sleep!! I'm so done with my feelings. I'm drowning on my own thoughts and I just want to stop pondering about this thing that has been bothering me since Saturday. I'm debating with myself and I feel like a complete coward because I know what I want to do but I don't know what will happen next if I do it,  I'm not even sure if there's something that's gonna happen.

But ok I made up my mind. I'm acting like this for the past 20 years. I always overthink and I always end up doing nothing and I feel like I lost a lot of opportunities because of my shyness. Fckng scared of rejection but whatever I'm gonna do it. I'll do my part, then whatever happens happens.