JUNE 2016

Here's a quick recap on how this month goes for me:
a lot or plate revisions, bedroom floor plan, bedroom reflected ceiling plan, bedroom elevation, bedroom perspective, toilet and bath floor plan, T&B reflected ceiling plan, T&B elevation, T&B perspective, client contract, concept, 3 living room perspective with required colored scheme, french baroque interior rendering, 4 plates for my history of interior design class, mock job interview + written exam

Just a typical month for an Interior Design student I guess? nothing really special happened, I was SUPER busy with school and it's only our midterm!! This has been the busiest month for me. Well I always do a lot of plates but this month has been incredibly mentally, physically and emotionally draining. I needed to finish 16 plates in a span one week. I was so busy with school I literally forgot to eat the whole day. Pulled an all nighter, I skipped my workout and I missed my best friend's birthday party. It's still fresh in my memory how drained I was while I was doing these plates. I wanted to cry so bad because of stress but I had no time. lol. The 3 living room perspective (upper right photo) that I did was so bad though. I usually finish 1 perspective for at least 10 hours and I finished those 3 plates for 9 hours. HAHAHAHA! No regrets! I didn't care anymore I just need to rest. The confusing thing about being a design student or a designer is that you really need to rest or you won't be able to perform your best but you have no time to rest because it takes 1 whole day just to finish 1 work. So it's either you did an excellent job but you didn't finish all the work, or you finish all the work but it isn't good enough. The struggle is real. :(

I'm just happy our midterm is finally over. And now I just realized that we only have one month left before our finals!! (trimester problem) Can't wait for this term to end!

REJECT.

~cue Tuloy Pa Rin by Ysabelle Cuevas~

According to Cambridge dictionary, reject is to refuse to accept, use, or believe something or someone; to not give someone the love and attention they want and are expecting from you. 

From my 19 years of existence I got rejected numerous times already. There were times that it did hurt a lot. I can certainly feel it within me but sometimes I can somehow feel the pain physically. There were times when my heart is beating so fast then all of a sudden I feel so numb and it feels like everything is in slow motion. I can feel each seconds that pass and I just want to stop. I don't even know what I want to stop but I want to pause or to freeze. But as I get mature on handling rejections, I just choose not to over think about it, lift it all up to God and move on with life.

There are many ways we can get rejected in life - from choosing a university, course, finding a job, love, applying visas, proposals, etc. the lists can go on and on. It is, of course, normal to get hurt when we get rejected. Sometimes rejection feels like a big slap on our face and telling us we are not good enough or we aren't worth the risk. But despite all these negative thoughts that's bugging our mind evert time we get rejected, I still believe that it is a blessings in disguise. Maybe what we want/ what we planned for ourselves isn't God's plan for us. It is easier to get angry or get disappointed once it happens to us but sometimes we shouldn't over think about it  because you might only end up blaming yourself or anyone. Life is a b*tch. I know sometimes it is tiring to be optimistic all the time because life will always keep on trying you. But just do it for yourself. Reacting negatively about it won't change anything. At least if you stay positive about it and thank God for closing the door that isn't for you, maybe He will let you open the door that you should have been entering. For God know the plans that He has for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)

I'd like to end this post with this short note: God always has a reason for allowing things to happen. Even the things that we haven't even prayed for yet, He is already handling it for us. We may not understand the reason for evey thing, but we have to simply trust His will.

Change is Bound to Happen

I was browsing my pictures on my laptop just a few moments ago and I can't help but smile to myself because I cannot believe the numbers of selfies I've taken years ago. haha! I can't help but notice how much I've changed these years. Not only physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. It's so amazing how much photos can bring back memories and how it can help you realize how much blessing you've received all these years of your life.

I know that I have change a lot, especially these last 2 years - it was the turning point of my life. The amount of experiences I never thought I would encounter - the gallons of tears I've shed, thousands of prayer I've convey, the numbers of time I was on my knees, from experiencing all the stages of grief, and a lot more - never did I imagined that from these experiences I was able to build a strong relationship. The relationship I wouldn't trade anything for. The relationship I would forever cherish. My own relationship goal - It's my relationship with God. I've survived my gloomy days because it was His hand that I've seen through the greatest scheme of things. It was Him who gave me strength and who helped me get up when I was on my knees. It was Him who showed me that there's no such thing as 'bad life'. It was Him who gave me the courage to smile and look forward to future. It was Him who gave me wisdom and brings hope to my life.

Were these last 2 years the worst years of my life? To be honest, no. It was indeed different and unexpected but those were the years I get to know God and myself. It was the time I discovered who I really am and how much I'm capable of handling this so called 'life'. If I am given a chance to re-write anything that I want to change, I wouldn't alter anything. From my point of view it may not be the "perfect" scenario, or the "perfect" life that I was hoping, but without all these experiences I wouldn't be who I am today. I'm not perfect. I will never be perfect, no one can be anyway, but I'm proud to say that I don't regret anything. I learned to see the goodness in life. I learned to realized HOW MUCH blessings God is giving me everyday. I wouldn't ask for more. Everything I have is enough and maybe even more than enough. I will forever lift up my hands to Him and praise Him. Just like what I'm saying every time I talk to God: Lord, I accept you as my savior, you're the reason why we're here, please have your way in me, I fully surrender myself to you.

"Should I even be surprised that you're with me in disguise, for it's your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things" - Pilgrim's Theme